monumentours asked: (tw pedophilia, tw molestation) the one thing i've noticed about people using the feminist label will drive sex as a super positive thing. the main reason this makes me uncomfortable? i was molested when i was eight. children cannot consent. this bull about "sex is liberating" no. it's not liberating. the choice is liberating, being in control of what you get is liberating. sex itself is not liberating and never will be. (poor explanation but hopefully understandable)
What is interesting is that the article linked in the above post, Unpopular Opinion: I’m A Sex Negative Feminist, is pretty much spot-on with my identification as a sex positive feminist.
What it does, in fact, mean is that the way you fuck is not “private,” apolitical, or outside the realm of critique. Sex does not happen in a vacuum immune to outside structural influences; in fact, it can (and does) replicate inescapable systems of power and dominance.
I agree with all of that very much so.
It means understanding that many women have neutral to negative experiences with sex, whether due to a lack of desire or sensitivity or past traumatic experiences or myriad other reasons, or may not wish to have sex at all, and that none of this makes them unhealthy, aberrant, or wrong.
I agree with all of that too.
Sex-negativity also encourages us to question “consent is sexy” attitudes (since sex is inescapable from patriarchal and other power relations, and thus what is “sexy” caters to men and the male gaze) and understand that even in situations where consent is given, sex is not necessarily enthusiastically consented to or utilized as a means to ends other than pleasure and intimacy.It means, above all, engaging in the kind of sustained analysis of sex, kink and consent that we willingly grant to pretty much every other facet of our individual and collective existence.
This is exactly what happens in sex positivity, engaging in a sustained analysis of sex, kink and consent. Sex IS a huge part of human behaviour and therefore it should — and it will — be talked about. A lot.
I also think we should reject compulsory sexuality. Sex positivity is about allowing women, who have been historically oppressed, the chance to be sexual and explore sexuality however they want with the necessary tools and education. But if someone is not interested in sex or not comfortable with sex and has no desire to change that, that is OK too. Their voices are important, too.
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. This is generally the idea pushed by sex positive feminists (which I am not), and I agree that it is really damaging. I mean there are some aspects of sex positive feminism that are ok, but the willingness to throw anyone who doesn’t think sex is Super! Awesome! All! The! Time! under the bus is pretty outrageous and harmful.
But yeah, just wanted you to know that you’re not alone in your discomfort with the notion that sex is super positive, and you’re certainly not on the only survivor of sexual abuse that feels that way.Part of the problem is the seeming opposition between “sex-positive” feminism and just plain “feminism,” no qualifiers, and the demonizing of the latter. Sex-positive feminism originally coalesced in the late 1970s and early 1980s in opposition to abolitionist feminists who, through groups such as Women Against Pornography, conducted guided tours through the strip clubs and toy stores of Times Square and lobbied for anti-porn legislation on civil rights grounds.At that time, sex-positive feminists (who mostly identified as “pro-sex” or “sex-radical”) argued that the effects of anti-porn feminism were harmful to sex workers and sexual minorities and that sexual liberation should be a central goal of feminism.
Radical feminism is the issue here. Not sex positivity. Feminism is rooted in many atrocious instances of transmisogyny and racism, but we still continue to use feminism and reclaim it for good. Sex positivity is no different. As we have changed the label of feminism, we can do so with sex positivity.
Any feminism that tells women how to behave or polices their ideas or feelings is wrong. Any feminism that puts down sex workers or rape survivors is not welcome in my feminism. I have no problem with sex negativity, really, because to me it looks like the same thing: feminism. Sex is a facet of life that must be addressed. I don’t want the patriarchy telling women what they can and can’t do, who they must be and mustn’t be, in regards to anything, let alone sex. That’s why I’m sex positive. That’s why I’m a feminist. This isn’t about sides, this is about what is right and what is safe and what needs to change.